Skip to main content

#Blaq - Blaq Mask Review - Ipsy + Influenster + Your Fucking Face

"And I want to see beauty. In the ugly, in the sink, in the suffering, in the daily, in all the days before I die, the moments before I sleep.”
― Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

Do It For Your Fucking Face - Blaq & IPSY Review

Hey y'all! I've been working hard on my new projects (my Memoirs and first book) and concentrating on lovely Slice of Pie. Being her Mommy is the BEST thing I've ever done. She still astounds me every single day... 

 But Anyhoo---

 We are gearing up for those fucking family you'd rather not see every single year  Christmas that is coming up, And the baking will commence soon. However, until we get our more permanent abode it's impossible to bake or cook in this POS-non-Kitchen.
 *Sigh* I get heated just thinking about it. Luxury Camping is cool, but I'm ready for some space, a kitchen, My office, and my shit in storage back (two storage units across two states, and an entire garage is filled with the last twenty years of our life)... FEELING A 'SUMMER TOWNSEND' RAGE BLACKOUT COMING ON

Speaking of Blaq (and if you're wondering, Yass - spelling it this way is definitely cooler) - we figured we would review this mask since we are in a no bake situation up in here... and lets review the last five months of IPSY Glam Bags -

 *before you even ask - Hell no, I'm not reviewing it all but Products that has worked for me personally and honorable mentions. If it sucks donkey balls then I might do a little review on that. #Haterade

Also - A word on IPSY (is it worth it or not)

I started getting into IPSY when my friend, MemphysWritez took pity on me last year and sent me some XMAS lights for PieSlice and being the bad ass bitch she is - sent me an IPSY bag.

I fell in love with the Kawaii!!!! And also teared up over my friend's sweetness to think of me. Ever since I received a Pi, all the gifts go her way, - which is perfectly FINE but it warmed me up at the gesture.

The past five months I have been getting my own IPSY bags and personally I think it's worth the money definitely. I'm still crossing my fingers for more Mattes!!! At first I was disappointed because my makeup is an obsession and honestly they should throw in #BADASS And #ADVENTUROUS Eyeshadows and Lipsticks.
As the months went along tho I really started appreciating the bad ass Skin & Spa Products....

KittyEars thinks it's bullshit that most dudes HOMOPHOBIC FUCKS,  would NEVER "sample beauty stuff" - EVER, - but, being a good sport has paid off. He loves his epidermis looking so young and beautiful.

*Sidenote - K.E. tries gender neutral Products as pink glitter lipstick might help him accumulate those labels confident straight men hate - "Metro, Closet Fag, Trannie", etc..

(Moving recently to greener pastures has meant once again we are living with a level of tolerance that should have been updated twenty years ago) Send him props for being progressive while staying true to himself and family.

 Personally, I love the fresh, clean glowing way it leaves my skin feeling Fan-FUCKING-Tastic. Getting asked about my "pregnancy glow" while smoking a Newport and having a glass of wine... NOT SO FUCKING MUCH. That aside my extremely religious Dad told me the other day- "Wow, you're looking real healthy, did you do something different?" so I nonchalantly retorted with "I sure did, Dad, This is the FIRST sober Holiday I've spent with you in twenty years." (I was actually sober, and my skin was on point.

REMEMBER: YOU are the EDITOR, CONDUCTOR, and DECISION MAKER who is currently DIRECTING YOUR LIFE.




Product Review Scale:

1.Love it!!! Pry that shit out of my cold dead hands.
2.Cool AF! You'll do in a bind or accidental occurrence of makeup loss.
3.Regift this mug! Will look better on you than me.
4.Resell!! You will look better as money.
5.Hate this bullshit! Store in the bathroom for makeup stealing bitches.
6.Ex-Baby Momma special!! Make baby mommas nicer by pretending to care about them. *PRESTO* (Now EX-BM will set up visitation with you instead of her sly af convos with yer Partner in life...)

.

And today the review is for this little gem:

So.. You can see why we had some hesitation, right? Lucky af for me that I googled this guy first.

So me and KittyEars decided to test a couple problem areas and prepare for the getting your Nani waxed pain of a thousand skin peels...

We used the 15ml trial size.


Targeting only "problem areas" because us Chefs read motherfucking directions!!!!

We left on until DRY and made a thicker layer around the edges to assist in peeling. 

Just imagine this scenario - It's Sunday and you have to kick ass a work tomorrow and you partied too hard over the weekend and feel like shit so you decide to try a new mask and listen to audio books while it sets. You get out of your amazing claw foot & brass bathtub (cuz that's how real bitches do it) and after you are finished soaking like a boss...

.... Here comes the FUN... And you start to peel...And THEN - holy shit, this charcoal Blaq Mask seems to be permanently stuck to your entire face.

 FML - maybe you should chill with Ted Danson cuz you just can't go to school or work like this....

The Scenario causes you to lose your job, piss off of your family, and everyone thinks you are racist if you unwisely choose to leave your house. (Like, just don't dude) <------------  

And ALL of that could have been avoided if you had READ THE FUCKING DIRECTIONS. Not trying to harp... But "Work Smarter - Not Harder" right??? 

⏳

But - Our Results:

I've had 24-hour Lipstick that was harder to get off, and personally Both of us would Schmear Blaq across our entire face. No hesitation..
I've had Nair\Waxing and had swollen eyes, blood... And this mask is Phantabulous. 

10 - Skin Feel
10 - If you aren't an idiot or have a lot of hair on your face peeling shouldn't be too bad.


And - *Best Tip* 

Try Scrunching your face up when you start to feel stiff and dry (Like your dog just had the worst fart ever... Or the face you make when when your kid decides to paint their bedroom with (you guessed it) - 💩 Poop, dude, fr.

NEXT-

PEEL GENTLY 

AND THEN Pull Slowly & Carefully- 

Now, Give yourself a high five, and break out the Grandma Nightgown cuz -

Tomorrow you will wake up 

And -

 SLAY by looking TIGHT AS HELL.....

Whilst giving that bitch you hate at work tha Shia Lebeouf stank eye.

 (AND DONT FORGET TO LIE AND SAY YOU ALWAYS LOOK FRESH AS FUCK


-Alyce-

Comments

Post a Comment

Please feel free to give me feedback!

Popular posts from this blog

"That is Sooo Damn Fall" Pumpkin Butternut Squash Soup

    "Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower." -  Albert Camus Pumpkin & Butternut Squash Soup  Prep time - 10 mins (Yea, loving that!) Cook time - 2 hours Total time - 2 hours 10 mins (Set It and Forget It, honey!) Serves - 10 INGREDIENTS 1 Tbsp EVOO 2 Onions, chopped (Grab the Ninja or food processor) 4 Stalks of Celery, medium dice 2 Carrots, minced 4 Cups diced Butternut Squash 29-oz. can Pumpkin Puree (Watch out for pie filling, it is NOT the same) 1 Medium sweet apple (your choice), small dice 2 Tblsp Brown Sugar (we use a little more) 4 Cups Chicken Stock or Broth 8 Cups Water 3/4 Cup Heavy Cream 1 Tbsp Unsalted Butter INSTRUCTIONS Heat EVOO in pan or soup pot over medium. Sauté the chopped butternut squash, onion, celery carrot and apples (we like caramelize these with a pat of butter added) Whisk Stock and Puree together and Pour in water to deglaze, and add brown sugar Sa...
Post a Comment
Read more

"Vanilla Heart-Attack Shaped Cake"

Eat at Your own Risk! (lol) Yummo! I really can't stop gushing about this cake, ya'll. Literally... they had to keep it away from me so I wouldn't sleep eat it, and give myself a heart attack from eating it. And, by the way - every piece was worth every palpitation. (don't worry, I only got about two pieces of this cake - it was so good everyone else wanted some, haha) Alrighty - Let's get to it..  First, get your ingredients together and preheat your oven to 350 degrees.  Then whisk your dry ingredients together. This takes place of actually having to buy cake flour. It's a short cut I use, but you can purchase cake flour if you want to, it's your life - however this saves you a bundle of time without having to purchase the flour and gives you a discount plus an even texture throughout the cake.  Start getting the wet ingredients together. Eggs, Sugar, Butter, Vanilla, & Crisco... YES - another recipe with Crisco... ...
Post a Comment
Read more

"Ain't Nobody Got Time For That" Dark Chocolate Buttermilk Cupcakes

"Ain't Nobody Got Time For That" Dark Chocolate Buttermilk Cupcakes My friend, L and I are the queens of life hacks, and we're always looking for deals, shortcuts, and don't give a shit time savers. She is the queen of coupons and I'm addicted to food shopping, lol. So the other day when I was out marketing (marketing, tee hee) I saw some boxes of these Dark Chocolate Cake Mixes marked off to .50 cents, that's right ya'll - FIDDY CENTS! So of course I grabbed about four boxes and went along my merry way.  I don't usually go for boxed cake mix as my faithful kitchen assistant, Kitty Ears, and I sell authentic, all natural cakes and we're foodie snobs who frown upon such things, but sometimes you want a cupcake and you'll be damned if you're gonna spend five hours in the kitchen whipping up an organic cake with chocolate ganache... I mean... come the fuck on... "Ain't Nobody Got Time For That" every day. Recipe...
Post a Comment
Read more