"Ya Don't Have To Be From Tara" Collard Greens

My friend, Tara, and I had an interesting conversation about where her name came from, and she seemed genuinely fucking surprised that I had any knowledge of Tara (the majestic house from "Gone With The Wind"). And, I really don't blame her. Where we live you're more apt to see sand cranes, piers, and palm trees held up by sticks than you will see majestic southern homes with huge columns. That's where huge columns came from by the way...  Or America's obsession with putting columns up everywhere rather. The movie inspired people everywhere to embrace the south in their soul, throw up some columns, put on a bandanna, and make some collard greens.

Now, I'm not even sure collard greens were even in "Gone With The Wind" but they are quintessentially southern none the less. I am from a super small town where if there weren't collard greens on my Granny's table at least three times a week then the world had probably gone to hell in a hand basket. Collard greens were a staple on one side of my family, and not on the other. My mother's great grandmother and mother featured collards or turnip greens frequently, while my father's side of the family did not as they were from California. I'm pretty sure Californians might have dabbled with the collard, but my Grandmother Jackie preferred Marie Callendar Pot Pies over collards any day. My Grandmother Punkin' and her mother Granny used them as a side or sometimes a full meal if we had ham or a pot of beans. My mother used to go to my Granny's house for lunch which always created such awesome family moments. We'd sit down in Granny's sunny kitchen surrounded by Buttermilk Cornbread, Collard Greens (and don't f-in forget that Vinegar Pepper Sauce!), Cucumber & Onion Salad, Fried Chicken, Pinto Beans,and  Fresh Tomatoes from the garden. NOTHING tastes better than a tomato fresh from the garden. Wal-Mart tomatoes are a fucking soul killing travesty. Always buy from the produce market if you can't get garden fresh... but I digress, haha.

So, happy memories aside as I grew up and decided to hone my southern culinary skills I have learned from my disasters and can make some pretty damn good collards at this point. Keep in mind that my collard greens are EXTRA vinegary so if vinegar is a problem for you reduce by at least half!

Okay, I'll stop babbling and actually let you see some food!

M

"Ya Don't Have To Be From Tara" Collard Greens

First, de-stem the collards. That means taking the middle part out. (I meant to take a picture of the HUGE bunch of collards we got for $2.99, but I got ahead of myself.) Collards can look like a lot but they cook down so do  worry when you see a massive pile of these.

P.S. Collard green stems make AWESOME and HEALTHY dog treats. My dog is a little special and eats vegetables. However, he has his preferences. He won't touch a Green Tomato but will eat the shit out of some Collard Green Stems. Hmm... maybe I'll make a Youtube of that..Anyway - As with anything check with your vet before you feed you dog anything out of the ordinary!

 

Second - I start sauteing a mirepoix of 3-6 Slices of Chopped Bacon, Red and White Onions, peeled Carrots, and Garlic in your choice of oils. I used a tablespoon of peanut oil because the bacon grease pretty much does the job as far as oils. go. Saute until your desired level of transparency. Personally, I prefer a little bite with my veggies plus your veggies will cook even more once you simmer the collards a few hours.

Third - Turn your veggies to a higher temp until slightly browned or when they are almost sticking to the pan and then de-glaze with a good Apple Ale. If you do not want to use alcohol any fruit juice, stock, broth, fruit juice, or even water will do. At this time sprinkle a tad of salt and pepper on your veggies. Don't over do this because remember the bacon has salt!

Fourth - Now it's time to add some liquids! I added about 2 Cups of homemade Turkey Stock. You can use canned or fresh. This is also where I add my vinegar.  I usually add about 1/2 - 3/4 a cup White Vinegar, and 1 Tablespoon Rice Wine Vinegar.

Fifth - Start piling on your greens! As you can see some stem slipped through. As a general rule I don't cut the stem if the leaf is small because.. it's a complete waste of time. You will want to really stuff in as many as you can and still get the lid on. Haha, I even had to roll some of mine up and shove them on the sides. This is three bunches of collards, but it came with four so it made a med-large batch.

Sixth - Now is when I add all of my spices. I use what I have on hand and in this case we used: Regular Salt, Jane's Crazy Salt, Garlic Powder, Paprika, Onion Powder, Bay Leaves, and Fresh Cracked Black Pepper. As a general rule use about 1/2 a Teaspoon of each. I tend to eyeball mine so if there is something you know will be too much for your tastes go with your instinct!

Now - Close the lid and let simmer on low for 2 hours and you will get something like this -

As tempting as these look - they are not done yet! I usually take this time to add a couple Tablespoons of brown sugar just to even out the flavors. My greens are super vinegary so lots of people need a little balance.

Now - put the lid back on and simmer two more hours!